A new person is about to come into your child's life several times a week. Children cope better with change when they know who is coming, what will happen and why. But "applied behavior analysis" means nothing to a four-year-old, and a teenager may hear "therapy" and assume something is wrong with them. This guide gives you simple principles, scripts by age, a social story you can print or copy, and answers to the questions children often ask.
Why does it help to explain ABA to your child?
Many autistic children find new people, places and routines stressful. Knowing what to expect can make the first sessions calmer and helps your child build trust with the therapist. Explaining also respects your child. The BACB ethics code asks behavior analysts to obtain a child's assent when applicable, meaning the child's own signs that they are willing to take part (standard 2.11). A child who understands what is happening is better able to show you and the team how they feel about it.
What principles work at every age?
- Keep it short and concrete. Who, where, when and what you will do. Save the "why" for children who ask.
- Be honest. Do not call it a playdate if it is not, and do not promise it will always be fun.
- Frame it around strengths and goals, not problems. "Learning new ways to tell people what you need" lands better than "fixing your behavior."
- Use your child's language. Pictures, signs, a device, or the family's home language. Hope Center staff speak English, Spanish, Haitian Creole, Bengali and Russian.
- Name the person. "Ms. Ana" is easier to picture than "the therapist."
- Tell them they can take breaks and say how they feel. Show them how: a word, a sign, a break card or a device button.
- Repeat it. Say it again the day before, the morning of, and right before the session.
- Never use ABA as a threat or punishment. "If you don't behave, you'll have more therapy" turns sessions into something to fear.
What can you say? Scripts by age
Change the names and details to fit your child. These are starting points, not exact words you must use.
Toddlers and young preschoolers (about 2 to 4)
Use a few words, a photo and lots of repetition.
"Ms. Ana is coming. Ms. Ana plays. Bubbles and trains. Then Ms. Ana goes bye-bye."
Pair the words with a picture of the therapist or of the toys you will use. Put the picture in your child's daily schedule.
Preschool and kindergarten (about 4 to 6)
"On Monday, a helper named Ms. Ana is coming to our house. She is going to play with you and help you learn new things, like telling people what you want and getting dressed. I will be nearby. If you need a break, you can show her your break card."
Let your child choose a toy to show Ms. Ana. Having a job gives a little control over something new.
School-age children (about 7 to 11)
"You know how some things are hard, like when plans change or when homework gets frustrating? A coach named Mr. Leo is going to work with you a few times a week. He will figure out what you like and what is tricky, and help you practice things that make your day easier. You get a say too: if something is not working, tell him or tell me."
At this age many children like knowing the plan. You can show them a simple schedule of session days, and ask what they would like to get better at.
Tweens and teens (about 12 and up)
Treat your teen as a partner. Explain why, ask for their goals, and talk about privacy.
"I set up some support with a behavior analyst. This is not because something is wrong with you. It is because you told me mornings and group projects are stressful, and they can help with that. You will have a say in what you work on, and you can tell them if something does not feel right. They will not share what you talk about with your friends or post anything about you."
Teens may want to meet the BCBA and read their own goals. Where it fits, ask the team to include your teen in planning. Read more in ABA for teenagers.
Children who do not use speech
Your child may understand far more than they can say. Explain in words anyway, and add:
- a photo of the therapist and the place,
- a "first, then" card ("first Ms. Ana, then park"),
- break, help and all-done symbols on their device or a card, and
- a short video or photo story of what will happen, if you can make one.
A social story you can print
A social story describes a new situation in short, calm sentences from the child's point of view. Research on social stories is mostly small studies; a 2016 review for the UK's National Institute for Health Research found a largely positive picture but called the evidence limited by methodological problems. An earlier systematic review (2010) found benefits for social outcomes in five of six controlled trials, and also called for more rigorous research. Many families find them helpful anyway, and they are easy to try. Copy the text below, add photos, and read it together a few times before the first session.
My New Helper
My name is ______.
Soon, a helper is coming to see me. My helper's name is ______.
My helper will come to my house (or I will go to the center) on ______.
My helper likes to play. We might play with ______ and ______.
My helper will help me learn new things. Learning can be fun, and sometimes it is hard.
If I need a break, I can ______ (say "break," show my card, or press my button).
My mom, dad or grown-up will be nearby. When we are done, my helper will say goodbye and come back another day.
After my helper leaves, I can ______.
It is OK to feel nervous about something new. My grown-ups and my helper want me to feel safe.
What questions do children ask, and how can you answer?
| Your child asks | A simple, honest answer |
|---|---|
| "Why do I have to go?" | "Ms. Ana helps with things that are hard for you right now, like ______. Lots of kids have helpers." |
| "Am I in trouble?" | "No. This is not a punishment. It is help, like a coach for a sport." |
| "Will you leave me?" | Tell the truth about the plan: "I will be in the kitchen," or "I will come back after snack time." |
| "What if I don't like it?" | "Tell me or show me. We can talk to Ms. Ana and change things." |
| "Is something wrong with me?" | "No. Your brain works in its own way. Everyone needs help with some things." |
| "Why doesn't my sister go?" | "Everyone in our family gets help with different things. This is your time to learn things you want to learn." |
Brothers and sisters often have questions too. Hope Center's guide on helping siblings understand ABA has ideas for them.
What should you avoid saying?
- "This will make you act like other kids." It tells your child who they are is the problem.
- "You're going because you're bad." Children remember this.
- "It's just like a playdate." Sessions include learning, and the surprise can break trust.
- Threats or bribes linked to therapy, such as "No TV unless you're good for Ms. Ana."
- Long explanations right before the session, which can raise anxiety.
What comes next?
Once your child knows what is coming, the next step is getting the day itself ready: what to tell the team, what to pack and what the first week looks like. Read how to prepare for your child's first ABA session.
At Hope Center for Behavior Change, families can meet their assigned staff before services start, and the approach is play-based and assent-based. If you would like help preparing your child, or you want to talk about starting ABA, contact us for a free consultation or call 561-337-8865.